Every test....

Baby Shipps....coming this December

Be patient with my doubt because I am trying to figure out YOUR will. I’ve never been so scared for a moment in my life that caused a fear in me that was a paralyzing numbness that left me senseless. Who would ever think that carrying a child inside of you could be so scary all coming from life experiences that took chunks of my heart? Today was a day of mixed emotions but the one that deserves the attention and praise is HOPEFUL!!!!  When you have “hope” you have a future.  So God asked me today…. loud and clear………… to trust HIM with every ounce of my soul. So I prayed and I ask everyone that I knew to pray with me. I prayed that HIS will, not mine, would be done.  As hard as I kicked and screamed on this one prayer, I knew that he knew best for me.  As hard as this child bearing experience has been, it has taught me many things. I have been taught and believe that He wants me to have this miracle and He wants to give me my heart’s desire.  Today made HIM happy. Today made me hope for a future instead of fearing the unknown. I witnessed firsthand His love, presence, and mercy. I lay on my knees in awe of Answered Prayers!!! He brings hope to the hopeless…..He gives peace to the restless…..He fills those who are empty and rescues those in the valley.  He finds me in my weakness and he heals the wounds of my heartache.  Open my eyes to the things unseen and show me how to love and trust your plan for my life. For those that were there today near and far and supported us, just know you are a blessing to me. You continue to love me and lift me!!!! You help me stay strong and hopeful and help fight this battle.  But one thing is for sure ….WE all are blessed!!!!  You saw a blessing today!!!! Today we are 14 weeks pregnant and this baby is fighter!!!!!! Another Baby Shipps on the way……coming this December. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!! He gets all of this glory!!!!!

When Pain Paralyzes

I wanted to share this message with you because it really hit home for me. You can learn more about this ministry and their encouraging words through Incourage at the link below.

Check out this post: http://www.incourage.me/2012/04/when-pain-paralyzes.html

Emotional Pain. It can be hard to know what to do when we are hurting.

Inundated with pain and sadness that makes us want to cry for hours, we feel lost and all alone. Our hearts become mangled beyond recognition.

One blow. A twinge of pain. Two blows. Excruciating pain. Three blows. The depths of despair!

Completely subjugated on a bed of affliction, we feel buried under a mound of mental anguish.

As Christians, we tend to feel guilty when we experience negative emotions.

That’s when we act in pretense and find the nearest rug to sweep our feelings under while telling ourselves, I can’t let anyone know I am hurting. They will think I’m not a good Christian; that I don’t ‘have it altogether!’

As we repress our true feelings, the slightest provocation sets us off. When they surface, we are shocked! Where did that come from, we wonder?

Comparing ourselves to others, especially the men in our lives, doesn’t work. They are wired differently. They compartmentalize their heartache and move on without a second thought.

As a woman, this method is foreign and far reaching.

Overcome with machine gun emotions pelting us from every side, we quickly retreat to our bedrooms with a box of Kleenexes. We cry until we have a sinus headache, our voices become nasally, and our eyes are bloodshot.

Finding out our teenager is on drugs. Our spouse betrays us by having an affair. Learning our unmarried daughter who is still a kid herself is expecting a baby. A good friend we thought we could trust falsely accuses us. A business partner doesn’t uphold his or her end of the deal. Our spouse gambles away their paycheck leaving us without money to pay our rent. We read about an innocent child abused by a parent.

Pretending our emotions do not exist is not the answer.

We must deal with our feelings in a healthy manner. Talking about how we feel with a trusted friend or our spouse and praying about them is crucial. It’s okay to be honest and ask the Lord to help us work through the issue we are struggling with.

God created us to be emotional beings, but balance is key.

What do we do with all of the pain when it becomes unbearable, causing us to feel we can’t take another shard of glass? Stuff it? Run from it? Pretend it doesn’t exist?

1. Talk to the Lord about it in prayer!

2. Share with a trusted friend, get their feedback, & pray together.

Our pain, when given to the Lord, is never wasted. It has a purpose. If we choose to embrace it, it will make us stronger and make us more like Jesus.

A stranger asked a Silversmith who was refining silver “How do you know the right amount of heat needed for the refining of the silver?”

He looked up and said, “When I can see my own reflection.”

The Lord refines us through pain and difficult circumstances for the purpose of eventually seeing His reflection in us.

Through it all, even our crazy emotions have a purpose. They remind us we are frail human beings in need of the daily grace and strength of God. As our trust in God increases, we come to realize, we are never alone…

He rides the waves of our raging emotions. He knows what we are going through and He’s not afraid of our feelings! After all, He’s the God of the Universe. Sometimes He calms the storm. Other times, He calms the child!

By: Carole McDuffee

To be yourself.....

Getting connected to what really matters

“If you organize your family life to spend even ten or fifteen minutes a morning reading something that connects you with these timeless principles, its almost guaranteed that you will make better choices during the day--in the family, on the job, in every dimension of life. Your thoughts will be higher. Your interactions will be more satisfying. You will have a greater perspective. You will increase that space between what happens to you and your response to it. You will be more connected to what really matters most.”
― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

It’s been a long journey full of ups and downs, tears and laughter, and lessons that are molding me into the person I am today.  After the loss of my daughter at almost full term (35 weeks) in the summer of 2009, God blessed me with a community of other believers that invited me into their small group because he knew I would need them.  Oh, and how true that was!!!! And since that time, I have come to know Christ and desire to spend time with him daily.  Through multiple women’s connections groups studying various books of the bible and the lessons and conversations we have in my other small group, I feel God is teaching me and empowering me to be so much more. He's calling me to do more than just attend the groups.  He is molding me to lead and filling me with the desire to bring other women together!!!! Seriously?!?!....ME????  He wants to use little ‘ol me to do this and teach me so MUCH MORE!!!

 OK…..so I prayed about it for over a year.....and little by little God started revealing to me that it was time.  I'd get those feelings that would just not go away. Through many answered prayers and signs that it was time, I decided that I wanted to lead a study but I was not sure which book to do.  How would I know what to lead?  What are the next steps?  I had no clue but I knew I would figure it out. I found it interesting that there were so many signs that the book of James may be the book I would choose. I studed the book of James back in 2000.  And here it is 12 years later; he is using me to lead a group to do the another study.  And there is absolutely no coincidence that my church, Heartland, is also studying the book of James and Darryn Scheske is leading us into a deeper understanding of who James was.  I have been filled with so much support by those in my small groups, my pastor, and those that have been on this journey with me.  God is calling me to come completely out of my comfort zone and step out in faith even thought I feel inadequate in my ability.  I trust that by putting God first and being obedient in what he is calling me to do, I will learn more than I ever knew was possible.  I continue to pray for his lead and guidance and he will take care of the rest. Our pastor is so on fire for the James study that I can’t help but take pages of notes to the point that my hand cramps.  This book is AMAZING and so relevant for our generation. 

I want to share this with you….my readers on this blog….what I am learning and my thoughts on how these lessons are molding and shaping me into a better person full of purpose.  I hope you find this information interesting and most of all I pray that it gets you to think outside of the box just as those leaders are challenging me to think and apply the principles I learn.  We will learn through James, it is not what we know, but what we are doing with what we know and how we can make a difference in His kingdom. 

We are getting ready to start the Beth Moore “Mercy Triumphs-James” this week.  Check out the introduction to her study: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1NmnTlUQ4Q

As I prepare for the study, I am reminded of the notes that I took during the Going Deeper series at Heartland.  Our pastor has been a HUGE source of inspiration for me.  He is so anointed with the Holy Spirit and his perspective and insight is so interesting.  I wanted to share his thoughts that have been summarized in my notes in my next blog post.  I do not take credit for all these thoughts but I wanted to share his insight with you as we learn about who James is and why this book in the bible is so powerful and relevant today. 

Getting ready to embark on a new chapter in my life

Getting ready to embark on a new chapter in my life and I could not be more excited to see how God is going to use me to be a leader to bring other women together in UNITY so they can grow in their faith and relationship with God and learn who he is in order to grow in relationship with him.  I feel honored and humbled and so unequipped….and yet very excited that he is bringing us all together for a bigger purpose.  I am absolutely amazed at how God is healing me one day at a time and using my inadequacies and strengths to help those that are hurting and lost around me. It has become my focus because I can relate on many levels.  I know (more than I want to admit) about the loss of hope and dreams, of grief and sorrow, of one disappointment after another, about being angry and shameful.  And through all of that stuff that weighs heavily on my shoulders, I am humbled by the undeserving love and mercy that comes through Christ.  Trust me…..it is not by my own strength that I am who I am today and this transformation is a daily thing.  Feel free to follow by blog over the next 10 weeks as I take an adventure to bring more meaning and purpose in my life and how this purpose can be used for something much bigger than me!!!!!!    

The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking.  Don't settle. As with all matter of the heart, you'll know when you find it.  And, like any great relationship, it justs gets better as the years roll on.  So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle." 

Steve Jobs

Life without God

God's love NEVER fails!!!

You are beautiful!!!!

Expose your wounds

 

“How strange that we should ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded! Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weaknesses to our fellow creatures. It also requires the ability to be affected by the wounds of others... But even more important is the love that arises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness.” 
― M. Scott Peck

Achieving your dreams!!!

Life is a courageous journey or nothing at all.  We cannot become who we want to be by continuing to do exactly what we’ve been doing.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.  Be deaf when people tell you that you can’t fulfill your dreams.  The only place where your goals and dreams are impossible is inside your head.  Once you’ve dreamed of it, you’re halfway there.  So go ahead and follow through.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions louder than your words.  Follow your heart regardless of what others tell you to do.  At the end of the day it’s you who has to live with your decisions, not them. 

Read The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck

Set a big goal!!!

‎"Set a goal to achieve something that is so big, so exhilarating that it excites you and scares you at the same time. It must be a goal that is so appealing, so much in line with your spiritual core, that you can't get it out of your mind. If you do not get chills when you set a goal, your not setting big enough goals." - Bob Proctor

Overloaded and overstressed

In the culture we are in today, we are terribly overloaded and overstressed. We are too overloaded to take the next step we are being called to take. We are crumbling to the ground beneath our feet. We need to give something up when God is calling us to do it, so that we can move on without so much weight. Take the next step with the strength that God gives you. We get so scared that we won't be able to handle the stress or pain, but know you will always be supplied with what you need to get though anything if you ask God for it. God promises that he will be there and he holds true to his word. There is daily grace and strength that will appear before you. There are times that we come to a fork in a road and it seems there is no way we can get through it. We feel like we can't take this road and are paralyzed. We are led to this road for a purpose. Every broken road will lead us home to Christ. The hard times and suffering can make us so desperate we are willing to do anything to gain security. We can't jump off the road...we may feel powerless in how we deal with it and whether or not we receive the strength that God has to give us to get thru. And on the other side. when we see someone else going through the same thing, we would be able help them because we have been there ourselves.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
Irish Blessing

Walk by faith

In order for us to walk by faith we have to be willing to scoot along with one step at a time. When we are truly walking by faith we are walking not knowing what and where the road that we are on will lead us, but we are walking knowing that if we keep progressing one foot at a time, that eventually we will be rewarded for our faithfulness and will be brought into a life full of more light, understanding, wisdom, and more blessings. In order to walk by faith we must keep a smile on our faces, complaints out of our thoughts and out of our mouths, and we have to be willing to not only take the first step into the unknown, but we must be willing to continue to step and step until we are in the place that we know that we deserve to be in.

Take part in something you passionately believe in

Take part in something you passionately believe in. This could be anything. Some people take an active role in their city, some find refuge in spiritual faith, they exercise in a group setting, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in and others find passion in their hobbies. In each case the psychological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.... In a community that loves the same thing. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

It pays to just have a little faith

How strong you stand is what makes you

There is a purpose for every person you meet

Let your faith be bigger than your fears

Happiness

We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. Charles Kingsley

7 Steps to Success

7 Steps to Success:

1 - Make a commitment to grow daily.
2 - Value the process more than events.
3 - Don’t wait for inspiration.
4 - Be willing to sacrifice pleasure for opportunity.
5 - Dream big!
6 - Plan your priorities.
7 - Give up to go up!

I want to do more than exist....pay good things forward!!!

Wow!! I did not write this,  but I really wish that I did!!! The way this quote is explained is exactly how I feel most days but I couldn't figure out how to say it out loud.  Making a difference in someone's life has to be one of the best things you could do for someone.  I feel this way most probably because I have friends like this that have made a difference in my life. I've seen it.  Knowing that I can cheer someone up or make them a believer is my passion in life and it gives me a sense of purpose.  I've been in the deep pit after losing my daughter and I know all about that desire to want to feel loved and inspired again.  Grief is a strange thing....takes a long time to embrace and a long time to understand.  It comes from out of nowhere.  You think you are good and your pain from a loss settles, but the triggers of the hopes for your loved one flash before your eyes and the experiences you could have witnessed send you thinking for days. One day you are doing well, and then gradually you find yourself  sad again. When things happen in your life that bump you off your desired path, it is good to have people that love and appreciate you by your side. They will lengthen their arm with an outstretched hand when you fall and pull you out of the pit and encourage you to keep going......they know because they have been there.  My dear friend who knows my familar pain and is an amazing friend to me doesn't even realize how much of a difference she makes in my life everyday.  I've told her several times but I don't think she truly believes  it. She is very humbled.  Amazes me!!! I want to be that person you know that you can depend on and look up to, and I want to know that I can make a difference in your life.  SERIOUSLY!!!!

It's a rare find to meet loving and non-judgemental friends these days.....it exhausts me trying. I think most people are hurting and lost and not sure what to do anymore.  They have no direction.    I am so very grateful for those dear friends that have been so loving and open-hearted to me with no judgement when I had no direction. I can remember a specific time when I became ugly with hurt and cryed out in grief and pain.....most people did not know what to say or how to fix it.  I gradually became difficult and grew distant and was struggling with every emotion known to man. My dear friends sat with me out of their comfort zones and showed their face.  They were the face of Jesus to me......a kind of love I never knew.  Sounds REALLY cheesy....but it's true!! There were many friends and family that loved me through a very hard time in my life and they continue to love me today . We all hope that these kind of people would surround us in our own life.....it would sure make life easier to get through.  Pay it forward when you receive it!!!! 

Proverbs 31:25

Be authentic and true to yourself and do it with enthusiasm!!!

In today's world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  Don't hold back and don't be afraid of what people think.  Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.  No it won’t always be easy; because when it comes to living as a compassionate, non-judgmental human being, the only challenge greater than learning to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, is learning to walk a lifetime, comfortably in your own.

Live with Passion!!! Passion is something you must be willing to express if you want to inspire others.  You can gain a lot of influence just by publicly expressing that you are excited and passionate about a topic.  Expressive passion is contagious because of the curiosity it stirs in others.  You’ll get people wondering why you love what you love so much.  Naturally, some of them will take the time necessary to understand what it is about the topic that moves you.

In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.

About me

My husband, Kyle, and I married in 2007.  The Lord has blessed us with a beautiful Rhodesian ridgeback named Zuri and the most amazing little boy, our lil’ monkey, Kade Patrick. And then we will always love and remember our other Rhodesian ridgeback, Maxi Poo who is up in dog heaven and our beautiful daughter whom we lost at 35 weeks of pregnancy, Cora Capri.  We also have 3 other babies in heaven that we lost to miscarriage as well.

I love all things creative.  I love to spend my timing making and designing things.  I love to paint, design and hand make jewelry, dabble in cooking; do landscaping, and interior decorating.  There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish everything on my to-do list.  I also LOVE music.  These things are my therapy.  These are things that make me come alive.

I am a working mother who has an unwavering desire to maintain my personal relationships and commitments to my women’s study groups, spend time with my family, be in the Word, create the menu for the week, grocery shopping, workout, clean house and laundry, walk the dog and try as hard as I can to keep my sanity.  You been there??

This is my journey to follow hard after God, one step at a time, and to be real about it.  My journey has had its share of ups and downs.  I care not to ever visit the darkest of those days and yet one of the most amazing days in my entire life brought me more joy that all the joys combined.  Nothing can describe hearing the cry of your newborn son unless you have been there.    It was in those days in the summer or 2009 that I found a new meaning in life.  A rebirth into the person I was supposed to be. That day on June, 23 2009, my life was forever changed and I will never be the same again.   I am grateful for every lesson I have learned along the way. The blessings and joys have taught me to really appreciate the good things in life and to never take them for granted.  The sorrows and sadness taught me empathy and love.  There were so many people who loved me during those difficult and dark times.  I know now, didn’t realize it at the time, but all of those people were answered prayers.  Everything they did and said helped me to get through each day.  When I could not get out of bed, months after losing my daughter, there were those friends and family that came and sat with me, called me, cooked me meals, and sent me cards and flowers. They showed me LOVE.  Love was not always words.  These people came by my side not knowing what to do or say, and they loved me enough to sit with me.  They didn’t have to say anything.  I didn’t expect them too.  Just their presence helped me to not feel so alone.    

We were never meant to do life without God.  The moment we try it may feel like we don’t need him anymore.  And then it isn’t long until we are back in His arms praying for His grace and mercy.  My husband and I love serving a Savior who is also well acquainted with sorrow. I could relate.  I love to surround myself with people who follow Jesus Christ. I seek to be in a loving, life-giving community where we as believers seek to lift each other up as we strive to serve our Lord better and more deeply. It’s not about me; it’s about Him.

I decided to write this blog because it is the baby steps I am taking to write my story into a book. Along the way, and while I brush up on my writing skills, I hope to connect with others that love God the way that I do.  I am not a writer, trust me.  But Cora inspires me to do this.  She will always be the inspiration behind anything good that comes from my writing. This was never about me.  It’s about telling my story so others could find hope in there difficulties and trials. 

Just so you know……I post when I feel inspired, which is either often or not at all. Please check back from time to time to see if I’ve had anything to share since you last visited.  If anything that I share moves you to share, then please comment.  I’ve love to hear your thoughts.

Through Him,

Melanie

Just Be

This is one of my favorites songs that I had to share.  It moves me everytime I listen to it! 
You need to pause the music playlist in the right column in order to listen to this video.

Tiësto feat. Kirsty Hawkshaw- Just Be

I was lost and I'm still lost
But I feel so much better

You could travel a world
But you can't runaway
From the person
You are in your heart

You could be
Who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark

If you're searching for the truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense
Of what you can see

Just be...Just be

They say learning
To love yourself
Is the first step that you take
When you want to be real

Flying on planes
To exotic locations
Won't teach you
How beauty feels

Face up to the fact
That you are
Who you are
And nothing can change that belief

Just be...Just be

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I respond
It's inside me

I need to just be
Just be

Just be...Just be...Just be

I was lost and I'm still lost
But I feel so much better

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I respond
It's inside me

I need to just be
Just be

Loving on people - Happy Valentine's Day

"Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you. Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. Paying attention to these people is a priority."

I found this from one of the blogs I follow and it really got me thinking. She said exactly what I feel and I have been guilty of this. I think we, as human beings, naturally want to feel loved and accepted especially by those we care about. I've had to ask myself why am I persistent when at times it does does feel reciprocal. I guess it's because there was always something I appreciated and loved in the relationship and my persistence is just my way of showing how much I want that person on my life. So as I was reflecting on Valentines Day yesterday I was reminded of all those I love and why loving them, despite how discouraging it may be at times, is what I am supposed do. We are called to LOVE on people. This was a good reminder for me. The more love you give....more love you receive. Let's be encouraged to get out of our comfort zone and set aside our insecurities and excuses and just love on people. Everyday is a new day to get it right!!

Sunlounger - Lost (Chill)

I enjoy this song and wanted to share. It really moved me today. You need to pause the music playlist in the right column first before watching the video.




Forget the peace inside
You’ve given way to the gods of destruction
Full of desire
You feel afraid that there’s nothing left

Oh oh, oh noOh oh, oh no

The ocean is dry
Do you feel hollow?
Nowhere to hide
And nothing to swallow

And when you can’t recognize
Anything solid
Where do you turn?
When you can’t buy it?

What can you believe in now
With no love to follow?
Now that you have lost yourself
Oh, can anything help you now?

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not lost

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not lost

What did you learn?
What was it worth?
What did you yearn for?
Everything’s lost now

And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone
And not alone and not alone

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not lost

Just let your fears go
You might find your way back home
Let your fears go
You might find that you’re not lost

Inspirational quote- Matthew Ashdown

See yourself truthfully

I decided to write today as I was going through 5 boxes I found in our basement closet. There were five large boxes of books that I had collected for the last 12 years. When I buy books, I like to put the date in the front cover of when I started reading the book as this has always helped me to relate to what I was learning at that point in my life. Interesting enough as I opened this book dated 2001, I found myself slipping back into memory lane.....a time when I was really connected to God and I was trying to find my true purpose and identity in Christ.

I became dear friends with my pastor, Pastor Joe as we call him, almost 11 years ago, which was really different for me. I grew up Catholic and to have a friendship with the pastor was not something that I knew you could do. I didn't even know that this was an option. But anyway, we would connect from time to time in passing when I was at the church for some study or maybe I was there serving on the Great Banquet team, but nonetheless, it always seemed to be a divine appointment. He would call me back to his office that was filled with shelves of many books from the floor to the ceiling. He loved to share his insight with me and was always willing to pull something off the shelf for me to read. He was a friend of Henri Nouwen, a well renowned author of spiritual life, and if my memory serves me right, he studied under Henri which is really a big deal....did not know that until I did my research. Anyway, as I was going through my boxes of books, I pulled out a book by Henri Nouwen titled, The Inner Voice of Love, to see an excerpt from the chapter "See Yourself Truthfully" that I highlighted and wanted to share.

"You continue struggling to see your own truth. When people who know your heart well and love you dearly say that you are a child of God, that God has entered deeply into your being, and that you are offering much of God to others, you hear these statements as pep talks. You don't believe that these people are really seeing what they are saying. You have to start seeing yourself as your truthful friends see you. As long as you remain blind to your own truth, you keep putting yourself down and referring to everyone else as better, holier, and more loved than you are. You look up to everyone in whole you see goodness, beauty, and love because you do not see any of these qualities in yourself. As a result, you begin leaning on others without realizing that you have everything you need to stand on your own feet. You cannot force things, however. You cannot make yourself see what others see. You cannot fully claim yourself when parts of you are still wayward. You have to acknowledge you where you are and affirm that place. You have to be willing to live your loneliness, your incompleteness, your lack of total incarnation fearlessly, and trust that God will give you the people to keep showing you the truth of who you are."

Have you struggled to see your own truth...whether good or bad??? Why do we do this? Why can't we see the same person that God or those that love us see? Why do we feel unworthy or incapable of receiving love???

As I reflected on this segment of the book, I was reminded how our strengths and gifts can be used to love on others even if we don’t think we can.  How many times has someone walked into your life and you made a connection that was really unique?  It happens to me all of the time.  Maybe I notice it more because I look at each opportunity to connect as a way to encourage and serve others.  The only way to truly connect with other people is by being transparent and real about who we are.  The more you are like this with people the more they will be able to truly connect with you and share who they are.  I want you to know that you can make a difference in someone's life.....even if it is doing small things to lift them up.   Each day is a day to start again with a new paradigm. I have chosen to not let fear keep me from pursuing what I feel God is calling me to do, but instead to pray about it and ask for guidance in each step when loving on those that mean something to me.  Yes, it can take me out of my comfort zone but that's ok because I welcome the unknown. What do we have to lose really?!?!  I think there is alot to gain and you never know when you might make a difference in someone's day.  That is encouraging to me!!!!

Stepping Up....

When someone first hears I lost a baby at almost full term, it is there.  When someone asks if my son is my first child and I tell them I have four angels in heaven too, it is there.  When someone hears I want to commit my life to advocating for the broken and ministering to other parents that have lost their babies, it is there: that lingering stare, that squirmy silence, that quivering lip that wants so badly to tell me they are sorry.  They want so badly to shift my eyes back to the happy, the prosperous, the fun, the “feel good” side of the world; to keep me from looking at the darkness.

I understand. I do. But the thing is… My Jesus told me I AM the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14) He told me HE is the light of the world and that whoever follows Him will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. (John 8:12) He also made it very clear that although light has come into the world, people love darkness. And they love darkness because their deeds are evil. (John 3:19) In the darkness, there is no accountability. In the darkness, there is no compulsion to do better. In the darkness, anything goes. In the darkness, deep slumber is welcome. In the darkness, there is no light. So I am not surprised that those who love me heed warning against walking too close to the darkness… except that I am called to be the light.  The very light they are fumbling around in the darkness trying to find. I know because I have been there.
If we never find the courage to enter in where darkness has enveloped people, if we just keep standing with all the other lights where it is warm and bright, we will never serve our purpose at all. Light is most needed in the darkness. Hope is most desperately desired in despair. Cries for healing come from the lips of the broken. I have not been given this light of Christ to put under a bowl, to keep to myself, but to go out into the dark world; to share the hope I have been given. To kneel down and let my hands be the ones who mend little hearts, my fingers were made to wipe dirty tears away, my heart – this new one Christ gave me – is big enough to love the unlovable. I remember well who I was before and it is no small thing – NO SMALL THING – how God has changed me, changed my want to, changed my convictions. To deny that change, to exchange the burden for the blanket, to exchange the calling for the comfort, to turn inward instead of reaching outward… would be undeniable sin.

I choose obedience. I choose to follow. I choose to get up and go when everything in me screams to just stay in the bed. I just to keep walking long after my feet have wanted to be propped up someplace else. I choose to keep teaching even as my throat closes up in fear around the words. I choose to keep reaching for those deemed unreachable, even as my hands tremble. I choose to keep opening my door and my arms, even as I hear so many calling to me to close it tight, to choose safety and self-preservation instead.
Oh what if my Jesus had chosen those things instead!

I choose to believe what I cannot see, to go where I am called to go, to do what I have been called to do. However great or small, this is Christ’s plan for me. Far be it for me to say where I will go and what I will do, who I will accept or embrace. I cannot know what eternity holds. I do not know who has been waiting for this little light of mine in a darkness all their own, all their lives. I don’t know. I just know I choose to enter into the darkness, to look it full in the face, because He first dared to enter and look into mine.
Then, and only then, will I - in Him – shine and be the light to others so they may know Christ the way I have been blessed to know Him.

First blog post

Ahhh..........the blog I've always wanted to write!!!! So excited that I have finally made this priority and I get to share this with you. Blogging is on my bucket list and happens to be one of my creative outlets that will allow me to share all the things that inspire and motivate me. You can say I am pretty creative which God has really blessed me.

How will a simple girl like me ever write a book one day if she doesn't sit and write out the words that are in her head. On a daily basis, there is a story to tell. I want to capture my thoughts here and see where this next chapter in my life takes me. This is my story about bits from our everyday life, my journey through multiple pregnancy losses, personal goals, all things creative, thoughts that will inspire and reasonate with you, and most importantly my relationship with Christ. Why have all of these things if we can't share it with those we love.

May my words and insight be a delight and comfort for you....


Love Mellie